i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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