woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
