Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
