Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
