Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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