goodnight i made you a song goodbye
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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