My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
