I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
