My pussy is not your playground.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
