I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
