your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
