Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
