I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
