oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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