Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
