i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
