Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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