ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
What a dumb baby whore.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
