I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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