Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize