my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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