here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
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