I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
God, I missed his penis.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
