You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
