So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
