And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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