i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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