We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
