i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
