So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
