My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
