I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
