Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
