i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
