you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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