it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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