did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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