she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
