I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Too much gin, very little bucket
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
