you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
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