4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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