Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
