dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
