wanna go halves on a baby?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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