i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I want a musical about memes.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
