omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
