.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
