im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
