at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
whose parrot is this?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I need a beard to bite.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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