Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize