Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
