She said her name was "party"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
