Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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