I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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