My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
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