the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
