i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
