Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
