There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
