i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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