do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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