If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
