so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
