I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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