Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
