Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
