is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
