we made out on top of his cat.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
