ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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