The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
