shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
