Where is the hickey?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
